by Alan Nelson
Travelling back from a meeting at the Chartered Institute of Bankers in Scotland, I was struck by the fact that although Team GB seemed at times all conquering at the recent Olympics, there was one achievement that was beyond them. The gold medal for “most boring person on a bus journey from Edinburgh City Centre to the airport” must surely have gone to the American woman sat two rows behind me.
“There are a number of differences between a seal and a sea-lion.”
Oh no – she is going to tell us.
“Firstly, the seal has no real ears – just holes in the side of its head…..”
Who cares?
“Secondly, the seal is really just a big slug in the sea.”
I don’t think it is.
“How do you know so much about seals?” asked her travelling companion, apparently not rendered unconscious by the seven reasons by now listed.
“That’s the result of 11 years living by the ocean, my friend.”
Is that an achievement? Who cares – perhaps it is over. But no….
“Think of a Morrisons.”
“Yes”
“That is small compared to the supermakets we have back home.”
This is unbearable. I am going to have to throw myself out of the window. As if sensing that I was close to defeat:
“I have never eaten lamb. No sir.”
This is clearly a lie. Even when she is making it up, she isn’t interesting. The bus pulls up at the airport. My heart lifts. I haven’t been rude. I have kept quiet and now I am being released early for good behaviour
An hour or so later, sitting on the plane to London, I smile. We spend much of our time devising ways to engage learners’ attention. We think we are pretty good at it. We don’t always get it right, but I am pretty sure that we do a better job of maintaining the interest of people we can’t see and don’t get to meet than my friend on the bus did with the person sitting next to her.
I feel good.
by Victoria Clarke
by Jacqui Nelson
by Rachel Bruce
by Katy Hillary